Minnow Minnow
by G.L. Peabody
Summary: The Skipper and Gilligan find themselves in parallel universe where the Minnow was a pirate boat, the Professor is a mad scientist, the Howells are kept captive, and the women are wild. Inspired by Jerome Bixby's classic Star Trek screenplay Mirror Mirror
1. Gilligan Catches a Whopper

Mary Ann called, "Lunch is ready!"

The castaways started coming to the common table they had been dining at for the past three years. Instead of the usual plates, they found wooden bowls and spoons at their places. Mary Ann came to the table with a pitcher of fruit juice. Gilligan was following the Kansas farm girl with a rather large kettle.

"Careful, Gilligan, its hot," Mary Ann warned.

The Professor commented, "Something smells delicious."

Mary Ann started serving the seafood stew, explaining, "It's seafood gumbo!"

After tasting his lunch the Skipper said, "I haven't had gumbo this good since I was stationed in New Orleans!"

Mrs. Howell reminisced, "Aah Mardi Gras, I remember that from my younger years."

Ginger said, "And I bet you were the belle of the ball."

Mr. Howell agreed, "Indeed she was."

The Professor analyzed his gumbo, "Pacific lobster, crab, and abalone. Mary Ann, where did you get all this seafood?"

Mary Ann admitted, "It wasn't me, it was Gilligan."

The Skipper asked, "Little Buddy, where did you get the shellfish?"

Gilligan answered, "It was easy, they live in tanks in the deep part of the lagoon."

Skipper followed up with, "What tanks?"

Gilligan explained, "The fish have two houses in the deep part of the lagoon."

The Professor said, "Gilligan, could you show me the tanks after lunch?"

Gilligan replied, "Sure, Professor."

After they were done eating, the seven castaways headed out to the lagoon. Gilligan and the Professor put on masks and snorkels and dove down into the deepest part of the lagoon. What the Professor saw surprised the man of science.

After they had surfaced the Professor described what he saw to the rest, "It would appear that there are two Japanese two man mini-subs at the bottom of the lagoon."

Ginger asked, "Like the one that sailor came to the island on a couple years ago?"

The Professor answered, "Pretty much."

Skipper theorized, "That could explain why the Japanese sailor that didn't think the war was over came here. This was probably a base of theirs."

The Professor agreed, "The lagoon would make a perfect port for the mini-subs. They would be protected from ocean storms and surveillance aircraft."

Mr. Howell interjected with, "That's all fine and well, but do you think you can get those junks to work."

Gilligan said, "My Uncle Harry took me to a junk yard when I was 16. I helped him put together parts from a Ford and Mercury to give me my first car. He called it a Forcury."

The Skipper scolded his mate, "Gilligan will you quit babbling!"

The Professor said, "No, wait, Skipper. Gilligan may have something there. We may not be able to get either sub to float, but maybe we can make a new one out of the parts of the two old ones."

Ginger said, "Its like a movie I was in, _The Flight of the Tucson_, we crashed in the desert and had to put together another airplane from the parts of the wreck."

Gilligan added, "Oh yeah, I saw that one. First they said it wouldn't fly and then it would." Gilligan then made airplane noises and walked around the group much to the aggravation of the Skipper and amusement of the others.

The Skipper volunteered, "Gilligan and I can sail the sub to the shipping lanes."

Gilligan laughed, "Skipper your too big to fit in a little sub." Gilligan's remark was rewarded by a swift blow on the head by the Skipper's cap.

Mr. Howell added, "The lad may have a point captain, those subs were made for smaller people."

Mary Ann mediated the situation by saying; "The Skipper and Gilligan are the only ones with the naval training to sail the boat to the shore. I can come up with a diet to help the Skipper lose some pounds."

Mrs. Howell offered, "Some of us society ladies had an exercise club to keep trim. I could show the Skipper some calisthenics."

The Professor manufactured a makeshift block and tackle to raise the subs. Even with the device, getting the two submersibles that had been at the bottom of the lagoon for over two decades was still quite a task. Part of the Skippers exercise regimen included pulling the subs out of the water.

"Pull, Captain, pull!" Mrs. Howell ordered.

The Skipper muttered, "She would make a great drill instructor at the academy."

Gilligan exclaimed, "Its like an elephant pulling a log!"

The Skipper growled, "I'll elephant you."

Mrs. Howell scolded, "Never mind him and pull."

Thanks to diet and exercise, the Skipper dropped enough weight to barely fit in the sub by the time the Professor had a working prototype.

"Can I at least have some real food now?" The Skipper moaned.

Mary Ann said sternly, "No, you can have anything you want once we are rescued."

The Skipper smiled, "When I get on board a ship, the first thing I will do is tell the Chief Mess Steward to fry me the biggest steak on board, and bake me the best potato in the fleet."

The Professor said, "Well, that will have to wait until we test the sub."

The Skipper, Professor, and Gilligan pushed the sub into the lagoon, while Mr. Howell supervised. After much grunting and groaning, the little sub got into the lagoon. After a lot more grunting and groaning the Skipper got into the submarine. Gilligan just scrambled in.

Gilligan steered the little ship while the skipper watched the small engine and gave orders on heading and speed. The sub quite nimbly circled the lagoon.

The Skipper explained to Gilligan, "Now Gilligan, we probably will stay on the surface the whole time, but we should practice on diving."

Excited Gilligan shouted, "Dive! Dive! Dive!" And took the little boat down. The Skipper saw water rushing in, and immediately saw what happened.

"Surface Gilligan!" The soaked Captain ordered. When they safely made it to the surface the Skipper yelled, "Gilligan you idiot, you forgot to shut the hatch!"

Gilligan grinned sheepishly. The two brought the submarine to the makeshift dock the professor designed. Gilligan got out and the Skipper struggled to get out. Both were drenched. The castaways looked at the two seamen silently.

A chorus of cheers greeted the Skipper's report of, "She's ready to sail in the morning."

Gilligan said, "Now we just have to name it." The sailor in the Minnow's mate knew every boat needed a name, and nobody knew the original name of the Japanese mini-sub.

"I have an idea," Mary Ann shyly said. With encouragement of her fellow castaways, the Kansas farm girl went on, "I think we should call her _Pearl_ after the port we left from. And Gilligan and the Professor diving for submarines reminded me of the pictures I've seen of Japanese Pearl divers."

Mrs. Howell observed, "That is a lovely name."

Mr. Howell added, "And a black pearl is the most valuable type," referring to the color of the submersible.

Ginger purred, "Pearls go with everything."

The Skipper stated, "In over three decades of Naval Service I have never heard a more fitting name for a ship."

The Professor declared, "Then Pearl it is."

The castaways cautiously partied that evening. They had gotten their hopes up for rescue scores of times, only to be disappointed. So instead they had a "bon voyage" party, much akin you would through for a friend going on a cruise. Mrs. Howell splashed champagne on the little sub and rechristened it the _SS Pearl_

The Skipper and Gilligan turned in early, as they had a very big day the next day. Skipper got in his hammock, enjoying the additional energy he gained from the loss of weight. Gilligan jumped up into the hammock he had been sleeping in for nearly three years.

"Skipper," Gilligan said, "are you asleep?"

The Skipper sighed, "Yes, Gilligan, I am asleep."

Gilligan said, "OK, I'll try not to wake you."

The Skipper finally gave in and said, "What is it, Gilligan?"

Gilligan said, "Do you think this is our last night here?"

The Skipper replied, "I don't know, but I hope so."

Gilligan answered, "I hope so too. Good night Skipper."

The Skipper fondly said, "Good night, Little Buddy."


	2. Voyage of the Pearl

Gilligan and the Skipper were treated to a hero's breakfast before they were to cast off in the sub. While the prospective submariners got their rest the night before, the other castaways loaded the sub with provisions adequate for a voyage several days in length. Even though the former Minnow passengers were very tired, the mood was jovial.

"Don't forget to radio Kansas!" Mary Ann chirped.

"Tell Hollywood I'm on my way," Ginger purred.

"Tell my accountant to stop spending my money!" Mr. Howell ordered.

"And be sure to let me know when the society group is planning our welcome back social," Mrs. Howell added.

The Professor said, "I'm sure Gilligan and the Skipper will notify all of our loved ones and others who are concerned about us."

Once he was done eating, the Skipper told the group, "The Professor's right. Gilligan and I will shout from the highest mast that the passengers of the S.S. Minnow are alive and well. Thank you for this wonderful send off."

Gilligan added, "But I bet it will be nothing compared to the welcome back party that Mrs. Howell was talking about," which earned a good-natured chuckle from the group.

The five passengers escorted the two crew members to their submarine. The Skipper gently worked his way into the vessel made for much smaller men, while Gilligan scrambled on inside. The Professor untied the mooring lines, and the Skipper fired up the engine—which was running off of some very potent rum the academician distilled.

The sub lurched forward and headed out of the lagoon. The five castaways on the shore waved until the little boat can no longer be seen.

Mary Ann asked, "Professor, do you think they are going to be all right?"

The Scientist answered, "I hope so Mary Ann, I hope so."

Gilligan was standing lookout watch in the hatch of the mini-sub. For the past few hours he had been driving the Skipper crazy with recanting the plots of every World War Two submarine movie from _Run Silent Run Deep _to _Operation Petticoat. _ The Skipper spent a lot of time contemplating the irony of the fact that a machine that was designed to destroy him and his shipmates less than a quarter century ago might be his salvation.

Gilligan cried out, "A ship! Skipper a ship!"

The Skipper replied, "Gilligan, if it's a cloud, like the other three times you said there was a ship, I swear I'm going to keel haul you."

Gilligan was insistent, "No Skipper, Look!" The mate exclaimed.

With much effort, the Skipper grunted, and looked through the periscope. He then closed his eyes and looked again. No doubt about it, it was a destroyer. Being an experienced tin-can sailor himself, the Skipper could tell it was a WWII vintage German ship. One of these island nations probably got their hands on some surplus. Unusual, but not unheard of. The Skipper mused _now I'm taking a Japanese sub to a German destroyer, never would have imagined that back in 42._

The Skipper ordered, "Full speed ahead, Gilligan, bring us alongside."

Gilligan responded with a hearty, "Aye, Skipper!"

As they got closer Gilligan said, "Skipper, I don't think anybody's home."

The Skipper replied, "Don't be silly, Gilligan, there must be sailors aboard."

They got all the way up next to the ship, yet nobody could be seen on deck.

The Skipper said, "They should have seen us on their radar long ago."

Gilligan theorized, "Maybe it's a ghost ship."

The Skipper responded with, "There's no such thing…" The Captain put the pieces together mid sentence and ordered, "Crash Dive! Crash Dive!"

Gilligan got back in the little sub and shut the hatch. The sub started to go down as fast as it could.

Gilligan asked "What…"

Just then a large shock wave nearly tore the sub apart. The concussion knocked both Navy men unconscious. Several minutes later the Skipper came to.

"Wake up little buddy, " The Skipper told his mate.

Gilligan replied, "Does Mary Ann have breakfast ready?"

The Skipper chuckled, "No little buddy, we're still on the sub."

Gilligan groggily inquired, "What happened?"

The Skipper explained, "The destroyer was a target ship for French atomic testing. I should have noticed it sooner. We did the same thing off of bikini years ago, get some WWII surplus vessels and blow them out of the water."

Gilligan cried, "I don't wanna be French fried!"

The Skipper consoled, "We should be OK. We are fairly deep, and if the bomb was close to us, we would have been torn apart. And we're still here. To play it safe, though, we should stay underwater as long as we can, and get as far away from here as possible before we surface."

Gilligan said, "I like the idea of getting out of here."

Within a few hours both sailors were laughing and singing _Waltzing Matilda._

Skipper said, "You know Gilligan, you're AOK in my book."

Gilligan replied, "And you're tops in mine Skipper. By the way why do I feel light headed."

The Skipper laughed and said, "Little Buddy, you are always light headed. The bigger question is why do _I _feel light headed?"

Gilligan laughed and said, "Maybe it's something in the air."

Then the Skipper looked thoughtful for a moment, and came back to reality. "The air! Little Buddy, we feel funny because we are breathing carbon dioxide. We have got to surface!" The Captain ordered.

"Gotcha," Gilligan replied, "Blowing ballast."

The little sub came to the surface. After several hours, Gilligan cried out, "Land Ho!"

The Skipper looked through the periscope, and was crestfallen. "Gilligan, do you know where we are?" He asked.

Gilligan answered with a question, "No, where?"

The Skipper replied, "That's the other side of our island."

Gilligan lamented, "Oh no. After the bomb went off, the compass didn't work."

The Skipper said, "That's all right. After all that happened, I think it would be a good idea to have the Professor look over the boat."

The two sailing men brought the little sub around the island to the makeshift dock the Professor made.

Seeing nobody around, Gilligan asked, "I wonder where everybody is?"

The Skipper answered, "I dunno, but something just doesn't feel right."

Gilligan quietly said, "I know what you mean."

When the crew got to the compound they saw the usual four huts, but again something seemed out of order. Then they heard the girls giggling, but it was coming from the Howell's hut.

The Skipper called out, "Ginger, Mary Ann, we're back!"

Then there was silence, followed by commotion. The Professor ran out of the hut followed by the two women.

The Professor gave the Skipper an odd salute and said, "My apologies, Captain Grumby and Mr. Gilligan. I was keeping watch over the women."

Mary Ann said, "Yeah, he was watching us all right."

The Professor looked very uncomfortable and added, "I take it the submarine didn't produce the results you wanted, sir?"

Then the Skipper noticed how oddly the women were dressed. Ginger's attire was more provocative than usual, and Mary Ann was barely wearing anything at all. When the Captain focused his attention back on the Professor, he noticed two things out of place. The man of science was sporting a dagger on his belt, and somehow he had managed to grow a full Vandyke beard in the short time the Skipper and Gilligan were gone.

Gilligan called out, clearly concerned, "Skipper you better see this."

The Skippers gaze followed where Gilligan's finger was pointing. On the top of a staff placed in the middle of the compound flew the Jolly Roger, also known as the pirate flag.


	3. Parallel Universe Ballad

_Yo ho ho ho give an ear to this tale, a tale of a fateful trip; _

_That started in this tropic port aboard a pirate ship;_

_The Mate and Skipper were fierce buccaneers, the Professor was the brain;_

_When the Minnow set sail, terror would reign, terror would reign;_

_They came across the Howell yacht and started to plunder; _

_If not for the skill of our pirate crew, both ships would have gone under, would have gone under;_

_The boats ran ashore on this uncharted desert isle with Captain Grumby, the actress, too, Mr. Gilligan and the Kansas Beauty Queen, The Professor and the hostages Howell, here on Grumby's Isle._

* * *

_So this is the tail of our pirate crew, they're here for a long long time; _

_They'll have to stay hidden from the law, but it's an uphill climb; _

_No cannons, no missles, not a single RPG, like Fletcher Christian, its primitive as can be;_

_So join us here each week my mates, you're sure to give three cheers for each of the SS Minnow's Three Buccaneers._


	4. Strange Bedfellows

There were a lot of thoughts running through the Skipper's mind as he took in the scene of the pirate flag, bearded professor, and women who looked like they just came from the section of town he ordered his men to stay away from. _Was this a result of the atomic test? Had the castaways gone mad? Will Allen Funt step out and say 'Smile, you're on Candid Camera!'? _The Captain needed to think things through. The Skipper started heading to his hut, with Gilligan in tow.

The outside of the hut looked the same, but the Skipper was not prepared for what he saw on the inside. Instead of the usual hammock racks, there was one large double bed. But what made the Skipper and Gilligan swallow hard was the stunning blonde on top of the bed wearing provocative lingerie.

When he was able to speak, Gilligan uttered, "It's…"

The Skipper added, "Erika…."

Gilligan continued, "Tiffany…"

The Skipper completed the dialogue with, "Smith."

The famous socialite said, "Captain, darlingk, I'm glad you have returned to me. I see you brought a friend… the more the merrier."

Wanting to change the subject, the Skipper said quickly, "Its starting to get to be dinner time…"

Erika Tiffany Smith said, "Of course, darlingk. I'll go tell the cook to get started while you two gentleman talk… unless you would rather do something else?"

The Skipper blushed and stammered, "No, Gilligan and I have business to discuss. Let us know when dinner is ready."

Erika responded with, "Of course, Captain Darlingk."

Once Erika left, Gilligan asked, "What is wrong with everybody?"

The Skipper replied, "I don't know little buddy, but I hope to find out."

After looking on his shelf, the Skipper found what he was looking for. He pulled down a book whose spine identified it as _Captain's Log: Pirate Schooner Minnow._ The Skipper started leafing through the book.

"Listen to this, Little Buddy," The Skipper said. The Captain then began reading aloud:

_"Tuesday September 15, 1964. _

_Mission: Howell Yacht_

_Crew: Roy Hinkley, PhD  
Willie Gilligan, First Mate_

_Jonas Grumby, Commanding_

_Today we set sail to plunder the booty of billionaire Thurston Howell the III. He will be sailing around Hawaii with his wife Eunice Wentworth Howell, wenches Actress Ginger Grant, and Miss Kansas 1963 Mary Ann Summers. Howell will be crewing his own craft and will be without security as he wants to be alone with the women. Howell is an eccentric who travels with large amounts of cash, and will be able to bring a good ransom._

_We boarded the Howell's craft, and escorted the women aboard the Minnow with absolutely no resistance. However, when we went to take the chest of cash, Howell started to put up quite a fight. I have to give old moneybags credit, I didn't think he had it in him. While Mr. Gilligan and Howell were fighting over the chest… Willie slipped and the chest crashed through the hull of Howell's yacht. Once we got the money aboard the Minnow, we brought the women, our crew, then the Howells. The Howell yacht sank like a stone. We then set sail for our secret cove when a storm caught us by surprise. So much for having a scientist as part of our crew. We ran aground on this uncharted island, which may make a good hideout, once we are able to collect ransom from Howell Industries for the Howells, Acme Studios for Ginger Grant, the Miss Kansas endowment for Mary Ann."_

Gilligan exclaimed, "Wow we are pirates!" The Mate then picked up a piece of paper that fell out of the book and declared, "A map."

The Skipper ordered, "Let me see that." He then looked over the map, which was of the island. His hut was identified as "Captain Grumby", what was the Howell's hut was labeled, "Crew", the girls hut said "Wenches", the supply hut was now "Servants."

The Skipper then said, "I don't think it's just our passengers that have gone crazy, little buddy, It appears the whole world has gone mad."

Just then, Mr. Howell showed up in a tuxedo.

The Skipper barked a little too sharply, "What do you want, Howell?"

Mr. Howell said, trembling with fear, "A thousand pardons, sir. I was sent to inform you dinner is ready at your convenience, Captain."

Gilligan and the Skipper just looked at each other. This was not the Thurston Howell they remembered. The Skipper dismissed Howell with "Very well."

When Gilligan and the Skipper arrived to the table, they saw the Professor, Mary Ann, Ginger, and Erika waiting patiently for them. Mr. Howell was standing near the table with a pitcher in his hand. As soon as the Skipper sat down, everyone else did. Mr. Howell started pouring drinks in everyone's glass.

Mary Ann said, "Thank You, Thurston, but I will just have water instead of the grog tonight."

Mr. Howell replied, "Very well, Miss Summers, and immediately returned with a glass of water."

The dinner was shark steak and greens. Everything was cooked to perfection.

The Skipper said, "Mary Ann, you've outdone yourself."

Ginger laughed, "Miss Kansas can't even boil water, although from what I hear we may need to start doing that soon."

Mary Ann shot Ginger an evil glance, and told the Skipper, "Captain, you know the cook prepares all our meals."

Skipper then said jovially, "Then bring me the cook!"

Mr. Howell left the table right away, and then returned with Mrs. Howell. Actually he was half pushing Mrs. Howell, who was white as a ghost.

The Millionaire's wife asked hesitantly, "Y-y-o-o-u wanted to see me Captain?"

The Skipper queried, "YOU cooked this?"

Mrs. Howell replied, "Y-y-yes"

The Skipper then said, "Wow, that was delicious."

Relieved, Mrs. Howell replied, "Thank you, Captain."

After Skipper gave his approval, the Professor said, "Very tasty, Eunice."

Eunice Howell's face, which had grown haggard from endless hard work, smiled for the first time in three years.

Mary Ann timidly said, "I have an announcement."

After everybody paused to listen, the former Miss Kansas continued, "I'm pregnant!"

Gilligan and the Skipper expressed shock. The Professor appeared a little nervous. while Ginger was nonplussed.

The Movie star asked, "Do you know who the father is?"

Mary Ann hesitated a minute, did some quick arithmetic and declared, "Yes, it's Mr. Gilligan."

The Professor looked to be relieved. There was then a loud crash as Gilligan fainted face first into his beloved coconut cream pie.


	5. coup de gilligan

The Skipper cried, "Little Buddy, Are you all right?"

Mary Ann walked over to the mate of the Minnow and gently lifted his head out of his favorite dessert. She told Grumby, "I'll take good care of him, Captain."

Ginger sneered cattily, "I bet you will," which earned her another glare from the Kansas beauty.

The Professor said, "Well, it looks like I'm going to have to move my stuff out of the crew quarters so we can move Mary Ann in."

Ginger offered, "You can bunk with me Roy."

With a smirk Hinkley said, "That's what I was hoping you'd say."

Gilligan came to while Mary Ann was wiping the pie of his face. When Gilligan was conscious Mary Ann informed the group, "Mr. Gilligan and I have things to talk about, if you would excuse us."

Gilligan allowed Mary Ann to lead him away from the group. Mary Ann asked the Mate, "Do you mind if I call you Willy?"

Gilligan mumbled, "Go ahead." He was still trying to comprehend Mary Ann having a child, and it would appear that he was the daddy.

Mary Ann said, "Willy, we have to think about our baby now. Don't you agree that family needs to be the priority?"

Gilligan answered, "Of course"

Mary Ann coyly continued, "Then you would agree, we should get some of the treasure to make sure little Willy is taken care of."

Gilligan innocently asked, "What treasure Mary Ann?"

Mary Ann's face made a slight tick, but she continued, "The treasure you and Captain Grumby have hidden on the island, silly."

Gilligan offered innocently, "The only treasure I know about is my sea shell collection, but if you think it will help the baby, you can have it."

Mary Ann smiled and looked around to make sure the Captain wasn't near. The Kansas beauty said, "Willy, sweetie, you still have pie all over your face. Come over here to the water barrel so we can wash it off."

Willy and Mary Ann walked over to one of many water storage barrels kept near the camp for a convenient water supply. With cat-like reflexes, Mary Ann grabbed Gilligan, had his face down over the tank, with a good grip on his left arm.

"Where is it!" Mary Ann loudly whispered in Gilligan's ear.

Gilligan cried, "I don't know what you are talking about!"

The Minnow's mate had a flashback of swirlies he was subjected to in junior high as Mary Ann dunked his head in the cold water. The Kansas farm girl held Gilligan's head under the water for several seconds.

Mary Ann pulled Gilligan's head up once again and asked, "Is it safe?"

Gilligan replied, "Is what safe?" And was rewarded by another dunk.

This went on for several minutes. Mary Ann was getting tired, and Gilligan was starting to swallow a lot of water. Then the Professor appeared.

"Take him out of the tank." Hinkley ordered.

Mary Ann immediately complied by throwing the soggy mate onto the ground.

Gilligan choked, "Thank you, Professor."

The Professor ignored Gilligan and spoke to Mary Ann, "He's more resilient than I gave him credit for. If the pregnancy ruse and the water torture didn't make him talk we're going to need to resort to more extreme measures. Go ahead and lock him up in the servants quarters."

Mary Ann flashed an evil smile and said, "Extreme measures, honey, I like the sound of that." She then grabbed Gilligan and forced him to his feet. "Come along, Romeo," the Kansas beauty commanded.

Gilligan asked, "So there is no baby?"

Mary Ann shook her head and said, "I can't believe you are known as the 'Terror of the South Pacific.' You would have to go a long way to be the terror of the kiddie pool."

The Professor chuckled and said, "Its about time for me to make an entrance elsewhere."

The Skipper had his own problems. As soon as he went back to his hut, Erika came in.

"Well Darlink, ready for some fun?" Erika Tiffany Smith asked.

The Skipper yawned, "I'm kind of tired Erika, why don't you go bunk with Ginger so I can get some sleep."

Erika frowned, "But Darlink, ever since I accidentally arrived on this island we have been together. Why should I go share a bed with Ginger?"

Just then Ginger came in uninvited. The movie star said, "I don't know, Erika, I think we should share a bed together." Then walking over to the Skipper's bed, the redhead sat down and added, "This bed. Sharing is caring. Remember, Captain, it was you and I before Erika came along. Why should the Captain have to choose? You can have both me and Erika?"

Erika sat next to Ginger, and put her arm seductively around the actress. The socialite purred, "Yes, Captain darlink, why choose?"

The Skipper was turning beet red. He heard about such things from his crewmembers, but he was always the moral compass of the ship. At least he was most of the time.

The Captain stammered, "W-why that seems awfully generous of you two ladies, but I've always been a one woman kind of guy."

Ginger and Erika seductively walked toward the Captain and chanted, "Share, share." The two women started sensually massaging and rubbing up against the Navy veteran. Ginger whispered in the Skipper's ear, "While we are sharing each other, how about sharing some of you booty?"

The Skipper said, "What booty?"

Erika purred, "You know darlink, the treasure you have had hidden."

The Skipper started to say, "There is no…", then felt cold steel against his throat. Erika and Ginger were no longer pressed against the Captain, but he could feel the Professor's beard up against his cheek. But what concerned the Skipper more was Hinkley's dagger in close proximity to his jugular.

The Professor hissed, "So, you give me Ginger and take her back. What type of manners is that? But what should I expect? A third of that treasure is mine. You and Mr. Gilligan hid it before you went off on your little submarine trip. Well I got news for you, that treasure is going to be split four ways now. Half for me, and the other half will be split three ways between _my_ wenches."

The Skipper gulped, "I don't know what treasure you are talking about."

The Professor continued, "I didn't think you would come right out and tell Erika and Ginger where the treasure was, but it was worth a shot. And considering the fact that your family motto is 'Dead Men Tell No Tales' I think you figured out I won't kill you on the spot, at least without knowing where the treasure is. But don't worry, I do have ways of making you talk. We do have Gilligan, he's a little more gullible than you are. Follow me quietly, or Mary Ann will turn your little buddy into Kansas BBQ."

The Professor then walked the Skipper over to what the Minnow's master knew as the supply hut. The hut was familiar, yet unfamiliar to the Skipper. The supplies were there, but instead of the Professor's lab, the Skipper saw some bunk racks. Attached by chains to the racks were Gilligan and the Howells.

"Skipper!" Gilligan shouted. The Skipper put his fingers to his lips.

Mr. Howell moaned, "Wonderful, now four of us will be sleeping on these tiny beds."

The Professor then chained the Skipper to a rack, and left the room. The captain could hear the door lock as the academician left.

Gilligan said, "Skipper, what is going on here?"

The Skipper replied, "I wish I knew, little buddy, I wish I knew."


	6. To Tell the Truth

After they were locked into the supply hut, the Skipper said, "It looks like we are going to be here awhile, we may as well get some shut eye."

The logistics of getting sleep were more challenging than they looked. To make more room for supplies, the sleeping arrangement was limited to two very narrow bunk beds for Mr. and Mrs. Howell. Now two people would have to sleep in a rack that barely fit one.

Gilligan offered a solution, "I know, what we can do. Since Mr. Howell and the Skipper are so big, Mrs. Howell and I can sleep on the top rack, while the Skipper and Mr. Howell share the bottom."

Mr. Howell spoke up, "Now see here! I've allowed you two to take our fortune and turn us into slaves, but I will not allow you to turn my wife into a concubine for a junior officer! At the very least she is a Captain's woman!"

Mrs. Howell purred, "Now Thurston, if the boy thinks he is up to bunking with a real woman..."

Gilligan stammered, "No... I didn't mean that, I was just thinking of a place to sleep..."

The Skipper settled the dispute, " I will help Mr. Howell up into the top bunk with Mrs. Howell and Gilligan and I will share the bottom bunk."

Once the four very uncomfortably got into bed, Gilligan whispered, "Skipper. I think I figured out what happened!"

The Skipper said, "What's that Gilligan,"

Gilligan replied, "We must have found the ocean route into the _Twilight Zone!"_

The Skipper scolded his mate, "Don't be ridiculous, Gilligan." But before going to sleep, the Captain did consider that the days events were more appropriately scripted by Rod Serling than Alan Funt.

The Skippers snoring was keeping Gilligan awake. The Minnow's mate shifted to put a pillow over his head, only to find a hand clamped over his mouth. The Professor dragged Gilligan out of the supply hut in the middle of the night and took him to the Captain's hut. Ginger and Mary Ann were waiting for the Professor and Gilligan in the hut, while Erika was keeping watch outside the servant's hut.

The Professor finally told Gilligan, "Relax." Then to the women he said, "Tie him to the bed and roll up his sleeve."

Gilligan's eyes got wide. Ginger and Mary Ann threw the mate to the bed and tied him tightly. The two women obviously had experience in this. The Professor took out a large needle.

The Professor explained, "Now Gilligan, you could have just told us where the treasure is and saved yourself a lot of trouble. But, we are going to find out anyway. This is a powerful truth serum that I have produced from sea snake venom and tropical flora. You may feel a little pinch."

Gilligan cried, "No, no, I hate needles."

The Professor chuckled, "Too late now!" and pierced Gilligan's arm with the needle.

Within a few minutes, Gilligan was in a trance-like state.

The Professor told the women, "I'm going to start with some questions to gauge how well the serum is working." He then asked Gilligan, "What is your name?"

Gilligan answered, "William Gilligan."

The Professor followed up with, "Where are you?"

Gilligan answered, "_The Twilight Zone"_

Ginger commented, "Great serum, Professor. Ask where the treasure is."

Gilligan mumbled, "Mary Ann wanted to know that too, but I didn't know. Mary Ann said I did things with her that I wouldn't do with a girl unless we were married."

Mary Ann looked shocked, "Is the 'Pharaoh of Phuket' claiming to be a virgin?"

The Professor looked frustrated, "Obviously the serum isn't effective on Mister Gilligan. Or his sharply honed mind has figured out a way to fight it. I've always suspected he was smarter than he led on. A good pirate would never display all of his strengths, unless it was necessary. Bring me the Captain."

After putting Gilligan to bed in the crews quarters. Mary Ann and Ginger brought the Skipper to the Professor with the help of Erika and a threat of dire consequences to Gilligan if he didn't cooperate.

The Skipper barked, "I'm here. Now where's Gilligan?"

The Professor replied, "He's somewhere safe, for now. Now lie on the bed and let the women tie you down."

Mary Ann looked menacingly and said, "If you don't do what the professor says, we're going to be dining on brisket of Gilligan for tomorrow's dinner!" The Skipper complied.

Once the Professor had the Captain under the influence of the truth serum, Hinkley asked, "What is your name."

The Skipper replied, "Captain Jonas Grumby, United States Navy, Retired."

Erika asked, "United States? What is dat? Jonas vas in de Imperial Navy."

The Skipper got animated, "I am a proud US Navy Retiree!"

The Professor told the women, "You better let me ask the questions."

The Professor then asked, "How did you get on this island?"

The Skipper replied, "Gilligan and I were taking you and four other passengers on a three hour tour on our charter boat the _Minnow _around Oahu. We were shipwrecked here over three years ago due to freak storm. We became like a family, until everybody changed while we were gone in the submarine."

Mary Ann exclaimed, "Passengers, Family!" The Professor hushed her.

The Professor then asked, "Tell me more about the submarine and how people changed."

The Skipper answered, "Before we left, Gilligan found the two subs and you turned them into one. We took the sub to try to get rescued. We found a destroyer with no one on it, it was a target ship. There was a big blast. We made it back to the island. The Howells turned from wealthy dandies to servants, sweet innocent Mary Ann now reminds me of some women I saw in New Orleans, Ginger went from starlet to a different type of entertainer, and you, professor, have turned into a mad scientist."

Ginger laughed, "Rescued, sweet innocent Mary Ann. Roy, sweetie, that potion of yours needs some adjustments."

The Professor quietly said, "Take the Captain and Mr. Gilligan back to the servants hut. Its almost dawn, so while you're there, wake the Howells up to get started on breakfast."

Ginger immediately regretted her previous comment. Roy was not in a playful mood, and Professor Hinkley could be damned dangerous if he was in a foul mood. "Yes, sir," The former actress replied, and enlisted the help of the other women.

With some struggle, the three women got the two men back to the servant's hut. Gilligan and the Skipper were compliant, but the drug made them very sluggish. It took all three women and both of the Howells to get the Captain in the bottom bunk, and his mate in the top bunk. They then left the Minnow's crew to sleep off the interrogation session

Still under the influence of the truth serum, Gilligan said, "Skipper,"

Also under the effects, the Skipper replied, "Yes, little buddy?"

Gilligan continued with, "I love you, man."

The Skipper then said, "I'll sail with you any time, G."

As soon as the sun was up, the Professor got out the Geiger counter he manufactured using coconuts and a little radium. The scientist then went to where the sub was docked. Without a doubt, there was trace radiation coming from the craft. Not enough to be harmful, but the mini-sub definitely was in the proximity of an atomic explosion. There were also a couple of other things that caught the Professor's eye. The weapons were missing from the sub. Also, there was no evidence of the skull and crossbones that they had painted on the sub before it's voyage.

The Professor then grabbed three bowls of the rice pudding Eunice Howell had made for breakfast and took them with him to the servant's quarters. He opened the door. Thought about unchaining the Captain and Gilligan, but figured he had better play it safe and keep them on their leash.

"Wake up! Breakfast!" The Professor shouted.

The Skipper replied, "Ohh my head, what do you want now?"

The Professor replied, "Its the drug wearing off. Food will help. Eat."

Gilligan started eating right away. The Skipper hesitated until he saw the Professor start to eat.

The Professor said, "Before the corporations shut down the college, I was a professor of physics. I was hungry, so to get money, I signed on the _Minnow_ as a weapons and weather expert. But my true area of expertise is black holes and the theory of multiple dimensions."

Gilligan added, "Like the _Twilight Zone_."

The Skipper growled, "Gilligan, what did I say about that."

The Professor went on, "Yes, like the _Twilight Zone_. Now, either one of two things have happened here. Either you two are excellent actors and I should be greatly afraid for my life, or you were transported here from an alternate dimensions with another Minnow and another island when your submarine went through an atomic blast. If you are from another dimension, we need to get you back and make sure our Captain and Mr. Gilligan return. Otherwise, it could cause huge problems in both dimensions. If you're just acting, you would be much better off telling me where the treasure is, because I'm not sure you could survive what needs to be done."

The Skipper just gulped and said, "Alternate dimensions..."

Gilligan exclaimed, "I was right, we did enter the _Twilight_ _Zone."_


	7. A Pirate Sub in Our Universe

_Meanwhile back on OUR Gilligan's Island, the one we know and love:_

It was getting near dawn when the Professor caught himself nodding off. He had spent most of the night in the Skipper and Gilligan's hut keeping an eye on the two tightly wrapped cocoons that contained the crew of the Minnow. Or, more accurately, what the former Navy men had become. Standing guard for six hours in the early morning gave the Professor a new respect for sailors such as the two unconscious figures across the room, as they had spent many a night keeping sharp lookout over an empty ocean. The teacher's ears heard a soft rap on the door of the hut.

"Come in," The Professor invited.

Ginger quietly entered and asked in a whisper, "Are they still asleep?"

The Professor replied in a conversational tone, "They'll be out for hours. I gave them a pretty hefty dose of the anesthetic."

Ginger said, "Good thing you had the knock out gas around."

The Professor explained, "Actually I kept quite a bit of it handy, just in case we had to remove an appendix or something. Luckily we haven't had to use it for its intended purpose."

Ginger added, "Yet. But who would ever guess that we would have to use the gas to knock out Gilligan and the Skipper. What do you think made them go crazy?"

The Professor answered, "Crazy is a harsh term. But in answer to your question, it could have been a side effect of lack of oxygen in the sub, or even the little atomic surprise our French friends had in store near where the Skipper and Gilligan were looking for our rescue."

Ginger responded with, "Poor Skipper and Gilligan, they go to get us rescued, and come back thinking they were pirates. Gilligan was chasing Mary Ann around the table drooling like a producer after a starlet who just arrived on set, the Skipper was yelling for Erika Tiffany Smith of all people, and both of them were screaming about treasure."

The Professor added, "Not to mention the rude things both the Skipper and Gilligan were saying to the Howells, it was as if they thought the couple were their servants."

Ginger corrected, "You mean _Captain Grumby_ and _Mr. Gilligan_."

The Professor went on, "Oh yes, I forgot that's what they wanted to be called. But what really concerned me were the daggers they had. Who knows where they got those. You girls were a big help in distracting the Captain and Mr. Gilligan, so Mr. Howell and I could knock them out with the anesthetic."

Ginger purred, "We were just using our feminine wiles." Looking at the Minnow's crew, the Movie Star added, "Kind of reminds me of a science fiction script I read of spacemen transported to another universe were everybody was evil counterpart of the people they knew."

The Professor laughed, "I've read the parallel universe and alternate dimensions theories. Pretty far out there. I'm afraid, though, what we really have here are a couple of sick friends."

Ginger said, "Mary Ann is making breakfast now. Why don't you go get something to eat, and some rest. I can watch the sleeping beauties."

The Professor thought about it, and said, "Actually, I have been meaning to go check out the sub to see if there are any clues on what happened. I would have yesterday, but we were a little busy capturing our sailor friends here. The Skipper and Gilligan should be out for a few more hours, but even if they awaken, they are tied pretty securely in their hammocks. I doubt the Skipper can get out, but who knows with Gilligan… he's one of the most double-jointed people I know. If they do start to get out of the hammocks, open the valves of the anesthesia canisters next to men, run out of the hut, yell for help, and board the door from the outside."

Ginger smiled, "I'll be all right, Professor, I'm tougher than I look."

The Professor smiled back, and replied, "I have no doubt that you are."

When the Professor got to the little sub, he felt something was different about it. There was, of course, the Jolly Roger painted on the little conning tower. But he had seen that before, and dismissed it as something that the Skipper and Gilligan had done while their brain was starved for oxygen. The Professor turned on his home made Geiger counter. There was some radiation, but not enough to be harmful for a short look-see.

When the Professor entered the sub, he did see something that surprised him. Tacked to the wall with the homemade glue the castaways manufactured were two nude pin-ups. One was a centerfold out of a men's magazine, the other a more professional 8x10. Then again, the Professor thought, the Skipper and Gilligan were two Navy men far from home. Nude pin-ups adorning the walls of a sailor's workspace are not that uncommon.

Curiosity got the better of the Professor, and he hesitantly took a closer look at the pictures. What he saw genuinely shocked him. The centerfold was of Ginger Grant, totally nude, with missiles in the background. The caption read 'Ginger, Miss October, 1961.' Again, Ginger doing a nude photograph layout and not talking about it wasn't that surprising. But Gilligan and the Skipper keeping such a photo all these years and not saying anything is. The Professor started to wonder if he really knew Jonas Grumby and his mate. When he looked at the 8x10, the Professor began to doubt if he knew any of his fellow castaways at all. The picture was a color photo of a girl in a cornfield wearing nothing but a smile and a sash that read 'Miss Kansas 1962." The over-exposed girl in the photo was undeniably Mary Ann Summers.

The Professor then thought for a moment. Mary Ann would have mentioned being Miss Kansas, and there is no way the Miss America pageant would allow photos like that to be circulated. Nor was there any way Mary Ann would pose for it even if they had. Besides, considering the way Gilligan is nervous around women, and the Skipper is bashful around Ginger, the Navy men must be better actors than the Movie Star they are shipwrecked with to conceal those photos.

The Professor looked up and uttered, "I'm such an idiot."

The nude photos of Ginger and Mary Ann distracted him so much that he just now noticed all the controls and gauges for the tiny sub are in _English._ They should be in _Japanese._ If that wasn't enough, a tag on the control panel declared _Manufactured for the Imperial Navy by General Dynamics—Convair Division, San Diego, California, March, 1951. _This definitely was not the mini-sub the Skipper and Gilligan left in, which was made in Japan by Mitsubishi close to a decade before this boat came off the line. Even if Convair was making mini-subs during Korea, they sure as heck weren't making them for the 'Imperial Navy.'

The Professor decided to check radiation levels inside the little boat. They were about the same as on the outside, except for one of the two torpedo tubes found on the mini-sub that they converted into extra storage for fresh water. The professor opened the tube, expecting to get soaked. Instead he found a torpedo. Judging by the way the Geiger counter went crazy when he opened the tube, it most likely had an atomic warhead.

Half dazed, the Professor found his way back to camp.

Mary Ann cheerfully greeted her old friend, "Good morning Professor, breakfast is ready. Ginger said you went to have a look at the sub, see anything interesting?"

The Professor started to turn red thinking of the photos he saw, but quickly recovered. He announced, "Ginger come out here please, there's something I want everybody to hear."

Once everybody was at the breakfast table, except for the two sleeping sailors under hut arrest, the Professor broke the news, "Ladies and Mr. Howell, the two gentlemen we have tied up in the Skipper's hut are not who we think they are." Pausing for effect, the Professor looked at Ginger and said, "As far fetched as this may sound, There is plenty of evidence on the submarine to indicate the men we assume to be Jonas Grumby and Willie Gilligan are in fact their counterparts from a parallel universe." The Professor continued, taking care to catch the eye of each of the other castaways at the table, "And I believe I may have a way to get them back, and return our Skipper and Gilligan. It may be dangerous, but I will need help from all of you."


	8. When in Rome

_Now let's go back to the "Parallel Universe" with the "evil" castaways:_

The Skipper asked the bearded Professor, "What do we need to do now?"

The teacher turned privateer answered, "Well, fortunately for you, I have every reason to believe I need you alive if I am going to get my Captain and Mr. Gilligan back. To survive, you will have to act like the Captain Grumby and Mr. Gilligan. What got you in the situation you are in now was that I and the rest had sensed weakness. Now I can see that weakness was brought from the other dimension or universe. We cannot let the others know you are not from this universe."

Gilligan asked, "Why can't we tell them the truth?"

The Professor replied, "Because Mary Ann wasn't kidding about bar-b-qued brisket of Gilligan. She didn't get to become Miss Kansas by sitting demurely on the porch. I'm sure Wrong Way Feldman would agree with that. The safest course for both of you is if the others see that their captain and first mate are back in full strength until we are ready to open the dimensional rift. If my counterpart is truly like me, he'll also be working on an opening. But if you try to double cross me, I'm always looking for new subjects for my anatomy experiments."

The Skipper gulped and said, "You've got two pirates."

The Professor told the Captain, "Good, now hit me."

The Skipper exclaimed, "I can't do that!"

The Professor sighed, "And that's why you even have to fear the women. What type of universe do you come from? There you are a retired warrior, but here you are a pansy that can't even form a fist."

At that, the Skipper decked this bearded Professor, and said, "You really do like to talk, don't you."

The Skipper and Gilligan then went into the compound dragging the Professor. There was fear in the other castaways eyes when the Skipper announced, "Listen you land lubbers, nobody, I mean nobody gets the drop on Captain Jonas Grumby. I sailed with Roy Hinkley, but he double crossed me." The Skipper then barked, "Mr. Gilligan!"

Gilligan replied, "Aye, Captain."

The Skipper ordered, "Throw Dr. Hinkley into the volcano!"

At first Gilligan looked shocked and exclaimed, "Skipper! Don't do this just because he called you a name! Remember, sticks and stones..."

The Skipper rolled his eyes and whispered so only Gilligan could here, "Remember this is part of the plan so the Professor could work alone on getting us home." Then more loudly for group, the Skipper added, "Do it, or I'll throw you both in!"

Erika said, "Darlingk, you're back! Come back to the hut with me and let's celebrate."

The Skipper growled, "Not so fast blondie. You and the other wenches were fast to turn on me as soon as there was an opportunity. I should throw you all in after the Professor." After seeing the shocked look on the face of Mr. Howell and the four Women, the Skipper continued, "Since there's going to be an open rack in the crew's quarters, I'm going to bunk with Mr. Gilligan. You can think about that when you are sleeping alone tonight, Erika."

Erika was sobbing, and it took all of the Skippers willpower to keep him from running over to her and apologizing. But he had to bring out his 'dark half' if he and Gilligan were to return to their island, and these people were to get back their leaders. So, the Skipper brought out the inner steel that brought him through two wars and several other naval actions, many of which never made the evening news.

The Skipper then walked off, and made it appear to be in a huff. In reality, the Captain wanted to check in on Gilligan and the Professor. The Skipper followed a maze of lava tubes until he came to a chamber under the volcano with an ocean inlet.

When he entered the chamber, the Professor asked, "How did it go?"

The Skipper answered, "I think I scared the pants off of them. I'm pretty sure they believe their Captain is back. I also made a show of moving out of Erika's bed into your old rack in the crew hut."

The Professor replied, "Good. We can't have them pulling anything while you are asleep. Just in case you and Mr. Gilligan should sleep in shifts to watch each other's backs."

The Skipper said, "I think we can do that," then for Gilligan's benefit, "Right, Mr. Gilligan?"

Gilligan replied, "Right Skipper, I mean Captain." The Skipper just rolled his eyes.

The Professor added, while handing the Skipper a piece of paper, "Now this is important. In the middle of the night, when you are changing watches, take the following items out of the supply hut. Then take the submarine to this chamber through the ocean inlet. you can access it during high tide."

The Skipper looked over the list and cried, "These are some pretty scary munitions! Besides, there is no way we can put all of this on the sub, and still have room for me."

The Professor said, "I really need these to make a tear in the barrier between dimensions. Besides, according to my calculations, Mr. Gilligan should be able to still make it in to the sub after the supplies are loaded."

The Skipper didn't read the last item out loud, because he knew it would frighten his little buddy badly. But considering how they got here, there was every reason to believe the Professor would need an atomic device to bring them back. The Skipper was wondering what was scarier, that these people had a nuclear tipped torpedo in the supply hut, or that he was putting Gilligan behind the wheel of a submarine with an atomic weapon aboard.


	9. A Pirate Looks at 25

"Now remember, Gilligan," the Skipper instructed his mate while walking back to the compound, "we need to act like pirates."

"Aye, aye Skipper," Gilligan replied, and after getting a glare from his superior, corrected, "I mean Captain Grumby."

The Skipper smiled and said, "Much better, Mr. Gilligan."

As soon as they got back to camp, Mary Ann ran up to Gilligan. The Kansas beauty purred, "Ooh, Mr. Gilligan, I'm so sorry about what happened yesterday. The Professor must have used some mind control drug on me. I didn't mean to dunk you. I will do _anything_ to make it up to you."

"_Anything?" _Gilligan asked in a high-pitched voice.

Mary Ann rubbed her hand down Gilligan's shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Absolutely anything you want, handsome."

Skipper was getting worried that he had already lost Gilligan. The Captain thought, _Be a pirate, Gilligan._

Then Gilligan surprised both Mary Ann and the Skipper by saying, "Then I want a coconut cream pie."

"W-what?" asked Mary Ann.

The Skipper barked in his meanest voice, "You heard him, wench, the man likes his pie. I suggest you give it to him. As a matter of fact, I think I might start calling Mr. Gilligan 'Giggles' Gilligan, because he was snickering the entire time it took the Professor to fall to the bottom of the volcano."

Gilligan started giggling at the fib. The others, of course, thought he was laughing at the picture of throwing someone to their peril. It definitely sent a chill down the spines of the other castaways.

The Skipper said, "Now, Mr. Gilligan and I will be going to the crews hut to plan what we will do to you people. I suggest you have lunch ready by the time we come out."

Gilligan added, "And there better be pie."

After the Skipper and Gilligan went into the hut, the others started whispering.

Ginger said, "They're actually more fierce than before. The Professor was their friend."

Mary Ann agreed, "They didn't even think twice about bar-b-cueing Hinkley. Mr. Gilligan was actually amused about it."

Mrs. Howell whispered, "Imagine what they would do to somebody they don't like."

Erika whined, "I just want my darlingk Captain back."

Mr. Howell consoled Erika, "I wish you could have him back. For your sake as well as ours. At least when the Captain and Mr. Gilligan showed interest in you and Mary Ann, they could be controlled. Now they are capable of anything."

While the others speculated their fate, the Skipper went over the plan with Gilligan.

"Now Gilligan," the Skipper explained, "I'm going to take a nap after lunch. While I'm asleep, I need you to keep an eye on the others to make sure they're not up to something. After dinner you need to get some sleep. When everybody else is asleep, I'll wake you up. We'll load up the sub, and you will take it through the underwater lava tube into the chamber that we were at with the Professor earlier this morning. It will be a tight fit, but you should be able to make it. We'll unload the sub, leave it there, and walk back to camp. Hopefully we'll be back in bed before dawn. Any questions?"

Gilligan asked, "Do I have to go to bed so early?"

The Skipper answered, "That depends on whether or not you want the others to have Gilligan chops and Skipper sausage for breakfast."

Gilligan said, "Bedtime after dinner sounds perfect."

It was a very quiet lunch.

The others were relieved when the Skipper declared, "That was delicious." The Captain then asked Gilligan, "How is your pie Mr. Gilligan?"

Mrs. Howell held her breath until Gilligan said, "Very Good."

At that, every one sighed. The Skipper then said, "Such a good meal deserves a nap. Mr. Gilligan, finish up the log entries while I'm asleep."

Gilligan started to protest, but remembered the plan and said, "Aye, Captain."

Soon the Skipper was snoring away, and Gilligan was reading a comic book he found. It was most likely left there by his counterpart. The story was about super-villains and how they were almost always victorious over the law. It was more violent than amusing.

There was a knock on the door. Gilligan opened it. It was Ginger.

Ginger asked, "Can I come in?"

Gilligan replied, "No, you better not."

Then Ginger queried, "Then can you come out and play?"

Gilligan answered, "No, I have to stay here."

Ginger purred, "Listen, I can understand you getting tired of Miss Cornbread over there. It was her idea to dunk you anyway. But it would appear that I no longer have a man, and I was thinking you and I could do something a little more interesting to pass the time than listen to the Captain snore."

Gilligan said, "The Sk-Captain gave me strict orders. Do you want me to wake him and ask if its OK if I ignore them to play with you?"

Ginger's eyes got wide, "N-no, don't wake the Captain. S-sorry to disturb you, Mr. Gilligan."

Gilligan felt a little swell of confidence and ordered, "Tell the others we want dinner ready in an hour."

Ginger said, "Yes, sir."

When Ginger found the others she simply said, "Get the food ready. By the way, those boys aren't playing around."

Dinner was also delicious. To play it safe, Gilligan and the Skipper had different castaways taste their food, and none was doctored. They didn't think they would try it with the Professor gone but one couldn't be too careful.

Gilligan went to sleep right after dinner.

_In the dream, Gilligan was on the HMS Bounty (he had read the Illustrated Classics version of the novel). The Skipper was Captain Bligh, while Gilligan, of course, was Fletcher Christian. Gilligan had set Mr. Howell, the Professor, and the Skipper adrift on a raft. He then took the Bounty to the island, where he was greeted by the native women (Ginger, Mary Ann, Erika, and even Mrs. Howell). But he could still hear the Skipper's voice shouting 'Mr. Gilligan,' 'Mr. Gilligaaan.'_

"Gilligan, Little Buddy, wake up," The Skipper whispered while shaking his first mate.

The two made it to the supply shed, and quietly started loading the materials on the sub. If they woke the Howells, the former millionaires didn't dare let on. It took several trips, then came the last object, a large cylinder wrapped in a sheet.

"What is this? It weighs a ton!" Gilligan asked.

The Skipper replied, "Oh just something the Professor needs to get us home."

When they slid the object into the torpedo tube (it coincidentally fit perfectly), Gilligan said, "Well, I hope it works."

The Skipper agreed, "Me, too, Little Buddy." The Skipper added, "Oh, and Gilligan… take it easy going into the cave. And whatever you do, don't fire a torpedo."

Gilligan chuckled, "This sub doesn't have any torpedoes. Remember, our Professor took them out."

The Skipper mumbled, "Yeah, that's right."

The Skipper walked over to the cave. Since the sub had further to go, and it was going slow underwater, the Skipper waited with the Professor for Gilligan.

The Skipper said, "I hope my Little Buddy is OK."

The Professor replied, "For everybody's sake, I hope he is, too."

Just then the sub surfaced in the chamber. The three men unloaded the tiny boat. Without thinking of the effect it would have on Gilligan the Professor took the sheet off the torpedo. The radiation symbol on the tip of the weapon was very plain.

Gilligan turned white as a sheet and said, "Atomic torpedo."

The Professor said, "It will take a couple days for me to put this together. I'll put a white rock in front of the cave when its time. Again, come during that night, and we will start the countdown at 11:30, pushing the button exactly at midnight. You cannot be late, do you understand?"

The Skipper said, "We'll be on time."

Gilligan dreamily said, "Press button, BOOM!"

The Skipper had to help Gilligan back to the hut and into bed. The seafaring duo got a little more than an hour's sleep before the first light of dawn started creeping into the hut.


	10. 20,000 Gillileagues Under the Sea

"Atomic torpedo, pirate submarine, pirate atomic submarine... " Gilligan mumbled in his light sleep during the morning hours. Then he started to dream.

_It was one of his fondest memories of his Navy days. It was the summer of 1961 and the ship had a port call in San Diego. While most of the men took their liberty call in the bars of the red light district of Tijuana, Chaplain Muclahy and Captain Grumby provided a more wholesome alternative for the weekend in Southern California. Gilligan, the Skipper, and the Chaplain were the only single men among the small group of sailors in their crackerjack whites who boarded the dark blue Navy bus to Disneyland that morning. The Skipper had arranged a full book of tickets and a bus ride to the nearby theme park through Special Services at the 32nd Street Navy Base, but it was primarily officers and the older, married, sailors who took advantage of it._

_That didn't matter to Gilligan. He chattered like an anxious schoolboy all during the two hour bus ride up US 101. At the front of the bus, Captain Grumby and Commander Mulcahy just smiled at each other while Gilligan planned his Disneyland adventure. They, along with the many of the other officers, chiefs, and petty officers shared the young sailor's enthusiasm about the Magic Kingdom, but didn't have the courage to express it._

_The Park was still relatively new, so the lines were long. Gilligan carefully got out an E ticket and found a place in line for the submarine ride, which was based on one of his favorite movies. He was surprised to see Captain Grumby, in full uniform, waiting in line. The Commanding Officer was behind enlisted men, no less. The Skipper could have easily used his rank to cut in front, but that was one thing Gilligan liked about the Old Man-- he put his crew first._

_Gilligan ended up in the same sub as the Captain. The young seaman asked, "Permission to Come Aboard, sir?" _

_The Skipper laughed and said, "Get in here, Seaman." _

_The ride started as Gilligan remembered, but things started to change. Instead of a ride at Disneyland with his shipmates, he was now on a real atomic submarine with his fellow castaways. The castaways were different. Now Mr. Howell and the Skipper had beards, as well as the Professor. Gilligan felt his face, and sure enough there was a goatee beard. The Skipper was still wearing a pirate Captain's uniform, Gilligan's seaman crackerjacks were transformed into a pirate lieutenant's uniform. The rest were wearing enlisted crackerjack uniforms with rating insignia. The women's uniform differed from the men's in that they wore miniskirts and go-go boots instead of the traditional 13 buttoned trousers._

_The Captain said, "Helm, dead ahead."_

"_Darlink, I'll try to keep it straight." Helmsman Erika replied._

"_Flank speed." Ordered the Skipper._

_Engineer Professor replied, "Flank speed, aye."_

_Cook Mary Ann asked, "Did somebody order a flank steak?"_

_Yeoman Mrs. Howell replied, "I believe the Captain ordered a flank speed."_

_Ship's Steward Ginger asked, "Coffee, tea, or me?"_

_Storekeeper Mr. Howell groused, "Easy with that coffee, it doesn't grow on trees you know."_

_Mrs. Howell started to correct, "Actually, Thurston..."_

_The Skipper cut her off with, "Pipe down, Mr. Gilligan set a firing solution."_

_Gilligan looked through the periscope. He immediately recognized the ship. It was the USS Kearsarge, an Essex class aircraft carrier they saw ported at NAS North Island when they pulled into San Diego harbor. Gilligan protested, "But Skipper, its the Mighty Kay."_

_Skipper laughed, "When the world sees what our atomic torpedo can do against the 'mighty' Kearsarge, the oceans will be ours." Soon the others joined the Skipper in his laughter._

_There was some important fact about the Kearsarge that Gilligan was trying to remember. Kearsarge, submarines... Then it came to Gilligan. The Mighty Kay was refitted as an antisubmarine warfare carrier. Before Gilligan could alert the rest of the crew to this, the submarine was rocked by depth charges released from the H-3 Sea King choppers above._

"_Fire atomic torpedo" The Skipper ordered._

_The Professor shouted, "The torpedo propulsion system is malfunctioning."_

_The Skipper yelled, "Throw me a wrench!"_

_Mr. Howell pushed Ginger toward the Captain._

_The Skipper rolled his eyes and said, "Wrench, not wench, you knuckle head."_

_The submarine's storekeeper then handed the Captain something that looked like a square red lunchbox. The Skipper ran to the forward torpedo station with the tool chest and got the torpedo running. _

"_Gilligan, Fire!" The Commanding Officer barked._

"_No!" Gilligan replied_

_The Professor shouted, "The ship, she can't take any more. Fire, or we'll be heading straight to the bottom right into Davey Jones' locker!"_

_Ginger said, "I seem to remember this British boy named Davey Jones auditioning for parts..."_

_Before Gilligan could stop him, Mr. Howell pushed the firing button. The Captain hadn't cleared the tube, and was shot out with the torpedo. Gilligan looked through the periscope again. The portly naval officer was riding the atomic weapon like a surfboard._

"_Yee haw!" The Skipper hollered like a cowboy, waving his cap around as if he were riding a spirited bull at a rodeo._

"_Mr. Gilligan!" The torpedo surfing Captain yelled._

"Wake up, Gilligan, you slept through breakfast. It's now time for lunch!" The Skipper said, shaking his little buddy. The Captain was a little jealous that Gilligan was able to get some sleep in after the long exhausting hours they worked the night before, but the Skipper's cursed internal clock consistantly woke him at reveille.

Gilligan sleepily said, "I dreamed that everybody was a pirate, and we were on a submarine."

The Skipper replied, "I hate to break it to you, little buddy, but except for you and I... they are all pirates. Remember, we have to keep acting like pirates until the bearded Professor can get us home in our submarine."

Gilligan groggily continued, "Yeah I remember now. Oh, Skipper, you'd look really silly in a beard."

The Skipper thought about asking what that meant, but sometimes with Gilligan, you are better off foregoing the explanation.


	11. Castaways Gone Wild

The thought of food did get Gilligan up, and he was soon at the table. Mr. and Mrs. Howell put out quite a feast: shark steak, greens, coconut milk, fresh fruit, and of course, coconut cream pie. The Minnow's mate ate heartily.

Gilligan said, "This is delicious."

Mrs. Howell said, "Thank you, sir."

Soon Gilligan started tapping on the table.

Skipper said, "Mr. Gilligan, that's very annoying."

Gilligan's tapping got louder, and the Captain barked, "Gilligan, knock it off!"

Gilligan replied, "Oh, sorry Sk-Captain. I was just keeping time with the drums."

The Skipper started to say 'what drums', but soon he and the other castaways heard them. Local native drums beat in the background and were getting closer. The castaways would soon have visitors. Gilligan and the Skipper walked over to the lagoon, and from their vantage point hidden in the brush, could see a small group of natives arriving.

Gilligan cried, "Oh no, its bad enough we have to fight pirates, now we have to worry about cannibals."

The Skipper whispered, "Quiet down, or the others will hear you! Look at the islanders, Gilligan, they have a lot of trinkets in the canoes, and brought their women, and I even see a couple of babies. No, they're here to trade. I'd worry more about the natives than us."

A few minutes later, the 'pirate' castaways joined them.

Mary Ann said, "Hey hey, looks like we're firing up the grill tonight."

Gilligan said, "Really? What are we grilling?"

Mr. Howell said, "Not what, who," indicating the natives.

The Skipper had to think fast to save these peaceful islanders. He said, "I wouldn't do that, that's a Fucawee scouting party. If they don't make it back to their island, they'll send their warriors. Then we will be on the grill of some Fucawee chief. We need to think of a way to scare them off so they'll never come back."

Mrs. Howell asked, "Well, how are we supposed to get the Fucawee out of here?"

While the Skipper was stifling a chortle over what Eunice Wentworth Howell unknowingly said, Gilligan lamented without thinking, "The Professor would know how to scare them."

Mr. Howell barked, "Great Ceasar's Ghost! If you hadn't turned the brains of the outfit into academic jerky, maybe we would be out of this jam."

Gilligan winced, he forgot he had supposedly 'killed' the Professor. Fortunately for Gilligan and the Skipper, everybody was now more focused on what Mr. Howell said. They were also wondering what the Captain would do about it.

The Skipper ignored Howell's remark. He had an idea of his own based on something they tried before on his island to scare hostile native. It didn't work then, but it might now. The Captain exclaimed "Ghost! That's it! He then asked, "Do you, I mean we have a _charged_ fire extinguisher?"

Mary Ann said, "Are you kidding? With the Professor's munitions experiments we keep the extinguishers from both boats charged, and test them regularly."

The Skipper said, "Two fire extinguishers... even better. Bring them here."

Hoping to stay out of range of the Captain's wrath, Mr. Howell volunteered, "Eunice and I will bring you the extinguishers from the _Minnow_ and my yacht the _Fort Knox._"

While they were getting the extinguishers, the Skipper then explained how they could turn Gilligan into an instant ghost. Gilligan would walk into the clearing with the natives while the Skipper and Mr. Howell were hiding in the brush with fire extinguishers. On cue, both men would spray Gilligan with the CO2 from the extinguishers, immediately turning him into a 'ghost' scaring the superstitious natives, who would tell others not to return to the 'haunted island.'

Gilligan said, "Let's hope it works, this time," earning him a glare from the Skipper.

Mary Ann asked, "What does he mean by this time?"

Before the Skipper had to worry about how to answer that, the Howell's returned with the extinguishers. The Captain deliberately ignored Mary Ann's question by filling in the Howell's with what was going on.

Ginger then said, "The plan sounds good, but I see a couple flaws."

The Captain granted, "Go on"

Ginger started, "First, if the islanders are as hostile as you claim, they probably will turn Mr. Gilligan into a spear-cushion, making him a real ghost, long before you could spray him with the fire extinguishers."

Gilligan gulped and said, "She makes a point, Skipper..."

The Skipper testily asked, "What else?"

Ginger started to hem and haw. She realized her mouth was getting her into even more trouble.

Finally Gilligan said, "You and Mr. Howell are too fat to hide in the bushes."

The others kind of held their breath after Mr. Gilligan had said that. They had been wondering for years what the mate held over his Captain. Grumby claimed that Gilligan had saved his life, but there were rumors ranged from the mate being the Captain's illegitimate son to blackmail over an illicit love affair.

The Captain smacked Gilligan over the head with his hat.

After seeing the hold Gilligan had over Grumby, Howell fearfully muttered, "Maybe I do need some weight."

The Skipper asked, "Well, who should we turn into a ghost?"

Mary Ann quickly answered, "I know! We should send Ginger out there! Her beauty will throw them off guard, and her acting skills will make a good ghost. Plus Gilligan and I could easily hide in the bushes."

Ginger glared at Mary Ann. Of course Mary Ann would rather see Ginger out of the way than Gilligan. Plus this gave Mary Ann a chance to rustle around in the bushes with the Minnow's mate. Not to mention the pleasure of emptying a canister of carbon dioxide on her rival But, there was only one thing Ginger could say.

"I would be happy to do it," The movie star volunteered. She then took off her dress and handed it to Mrs. Howell and added, "I'd hate to get that stuff on this gown."

Ginger then walked to the clearing wearing a bra, panties, and heels. After all, half the world has seen her in a lot less. When Gilligan turned his head to see the movie star, Mary Ann got his attention by grabbing his behind.

Ginger then announced her presence to the natives, "I am the goddess of this island, and I command you to leave!"

While the male natives were admiring this stranger's figure, and the females were growing jealous, Ginger snapped her fingers. Gilligan and Mary Ann let loose with the fire extinguishers. At that point this goddess turned white. Ginger then let out a shriek that terrified the natives, as well as Gilligan and the Skipper. The natives then jumped in their canoes and rowed out of there as fast as they could.

Ginger started laughing, and soon all the castaways were there at the shore of the lagoon laughing over the picture of the movie star turning white. They also laughed at the islanders, as well as the castaways themselves, being scared silly by Ginger's scream. The Skipper began to think this group wasn't so different than his castaways. That thought only lasted a few seconds.

The Skipper saw how different the groups were when Ginger announced, "I gotta get this shit off of me." Ginger then stepped out of her shoes, quickly peeled off her underwear, and started skinny dipping in the lagoon with absolutely no shame.

Mrs. Howell said indignantly, "It doesn't take much to get that wench out of her clothes."

Not to be upstaged, Mary Ann and Erika also removed every stitch of their clothing and jumped into the water. Soon the three women with flawless figures were cavorting in the lagoon, naked as jay birds.

"Come in and join us Captain, come join us, Mr. Gilligan." The three enticed the crew.

Mr. Howell dryly said, "Shall I bring you a towel, sir?" Even the Millionaire couldn't keep his eyes off the beauties.

Not taking hisgaze off the three nude women, the Skipper started saying, more to himself, "Sirens, that's what they are. Sirens." Referring to the beautiful mythical creatures of the sea that send sailors to their peril.

Mrs. Howell let out a grunt and said, "Well, I have to get dinner ready. Come along Thurston."

Mrs. Howell led the way back to camp, with Mr. Howell close behind. The Skipper and Gilligan took a bit longer to get to camp. That was because the Captain had to be Gilligan's 'seeing eye dog,' as his mate had clamped his hands over his own eyes as soon as Ginger unfastened her bra strap and wouldn't take them off until the Skipper assured him he was safely back in camp.


	12. Get Back Gilligan

After tripping over another log, the Skipper told his mate, "Gilligan, take your hands off your eyes!"

Gilligan asked, "Is it safe?"

The Skipper sighed and said, "No nude beautiful women here."

Gilligan peeked through his fingers, and seeing that there was nothing there he wasn't supposed to see, the young mate lowered his hands.

"This isn't the way back to camp." Gilligan observed.

The Skipper explained, "After the Howells were far enough ahead of us, I decided to walk by the volcano to see if the Professor put out the signal rock indicating he was ready for us."

Gilligan said, "Good idea Skipper, after everything that happened today, I want to go home."

The Captain agreed, "You said it little buddy." Never before had the career mariner been so frightened by the sight of three gorgeous nude women.

After a bit of a hike, the two from an alternate universe found themselves on the trail to the lava tube. Off to the side of trail, where you had to look for it, but was definitely placed there, was a snow-white rock.

Gilligan cried, "Look Skipper!"

The Skipper said, "That's the signal all right. The Professor must have finished early. We'll head back to camp like everything is normal, and return here by midnight."

Dinner was just being put on the table by the time Gilligan and Skipper arrived back to camp. As usual, it was quite a feast. Sea Bass, clams, and lobster all were on the table. Thanks to the Skipper's quick thinking, there was no bar-b-cued islander on the menu. Ginger, Mary Ann, and Erika were already at the table, (barely) dressed.

Mr. Howell said, "Greetings Captain, Mr. Gilligan. You may start dining when you are ready."

Gilligan didn't need to be told twice, he was sitting at his place with a mouth full within seconds.

Erika asked the Skipper, "So, darlingk, where did you two go while we went swimming?"

The Skipper replied, "Gilligan and I just went for a walk to a better vantage point over the ocean to see if the natives were really gone." The Captain didn't like how well he was getting at lying.

Ginger asked Gilligan, "Did you see anything interesting?" She was rubbing her foot up Gilligan's calf.

Gilligan replied truthfully, "Nothing unusual, just the same boring stuff." What he said was taken quite differently than what he meant.

Ginger dropped her foot off of Gilligan's leg. All three women let out an indignant "hmmf," thinking Gilligan was talking about their bodies instead of the island. After that, it was a very quiet dinner.

When they got into their hut, Gilligan asked the Skipper, "Did I say something wrong at dinner?"

The Skipper laughed, "No little buddy, I think the women just misinterpreted your boring stuff comment."

Gilligan said "Oh"

As soon as the others were asleep, Gilligan and the Skipper made their way into the volcano. Skipper was trying to keep up with Gilligan, who was scrambling through the maze of tubes as if he were part mole. The Captain misjudged the height of one of the passages, and smacked his forehead squarely on the ceiling.

Gilligan said, "Watch your big head, Skipper."

The Skipper replied, "Thanks a lot, Gilligan."

Finally, they came to the chamber with the ocean inlet. The submarine was in the middle of the water, tied to a floating dock. The Professor was standing behind a console at the edge of the water.

The 'evil' Professor explained, "I've made a quantum accelerator utilizing the atomic torpedo and geothermal energy from the volcano. If this works properly, and if my counterpart in your dimension also manufactured such an accelerator, we have a chance at returning you back where you belong."

Gilligan asked, "But where would the Professor in our dimension get an atomic torpedo?"

The Skipper answered, "My guess is our counterparts had one on their submarine."

For the first time, Gilligan thought about the possibilities of two pirates amongst his friends. "I hope our passengers are all right." Gilligan said.

The Skipper said, "There are five of them, plus since they are smarter than we are… I'm sure they are smarter than the pirates. I'm sure they are fine." That gave Gilligan some small measure of comfort.

This Professor didn't care much for the small talk, and said, "We need to synchronize watches," The scientist continued once he and the Skipper adjusted their time pieces, "After I am done with the countdown, stay in the accelerator for exactly seven minutes. Then go through the tube out into the ocean. Five minutes: no less, no more, it must be exact. Understand?"

The Skipper replied, "Seven minutes, understood."

Gilligan added, "Seven minutes in the accelerator."

The Professor then said, "Get in the sub and prepare to cast off. If this other universe tale is some sort of con job, you better tell me now. If I start the accelerator, and you have no alternate dimension to go to, you will disintegrate."

Gilligan gulped, "Disintegrate?"

The Skipper said, "Oh our island is very real. Come on Gilligan, let's get to the sub."

While the two were walking down to the sub, the Professor announced, "T-10 minutes." The scientist flipped some switches, and there was a very loud humming in the chamber.

When Gilligan and the Skipper were halfway to the sub, a familiar voice ordered, "Everybody schtop vat you are doingk."

It was Erika Tiffany Smith. In her hand was a Ruger semi-automatic pistol. Behind her were Ginger and Mary Ann. Ginger was brandishing a Derringer, while Mary Ann was sporting a .25 semi-auto 'Saturday Night Special.' Erika was obviously the leader of this deadly, albeit sexy, gang.

Ginger looked at the Professor and exclaimed, "You're alive!"

Mary Ann theorized, "I knew something was up. At first I thought Skipper and Gilligan lost interest in women, and may have swung to the other team. Gilligan running off when I grabbed his ass and covering his eyes when we got naked seemed to confirm that."

Erika added, "But when we saw the vay my darlingk Captain vas looking; at us in the lagoon, ve knew he vanted us. That and the vay Mr. Gilligan and the Captain were sneaking off made us tink somethingk vas up. Ve followed you here."

Mary Ann said, "Now, give us the treasure, or we start shooting."

Gilligan and the Skippers eyes got wide. The Professor looked bored.

Finally the Scientist said, "Look around you. You fire a shot in here, you'll probably start a chain reaction that will start an atomic explosion."

Erika scoffed, "You're bluufing."

Gilligan stammered, "At-t-omic torpedo…. Booom!"

The Captain said, "He's telling the truth, Erika."

Mary Ann laughed, "The truth, you all have been lying all along!"

The Professor said coolly, "Believe what you want."

Ginger put down her gun and told the others, "I'm in the business of lying. I know the professor, intimately. I think he's telling the truth, about the explosion… but not the whole truth. We need answers."

The Professor calmly said, "Well in about five minutes, a process will start that will send these two to another universe. You see, they come from a universe with a different set of values than ours, and our Captain and Mr. Gilligan went to theirs. If all goes well, we will get our pirates back. But that's only if you let them get in the sub, and allow me to finish what I need to do and get the hell out of here. Otherwise we can all stand around in this standoff with our thumbs up our asses and get blown to smithereens and take have this island with us."

The fact the scientist didn't raise his voice during that whole explanation sent a chill down everybody's spine.

Mary Ann said, "That is too outrageous to be a lie. Plus it explains a lot about the changes in Mr. Gilligan."

Erika agreed, "It is strange, but proceed. I am keeping an eye on you all, though."

At that, Gilligan and the Skipper scrambled into the sub and untied the mooring lines.

The Professor finished the countdown, "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, commencing accelerator!" The Professor then started running out of the room, the women didn't know what else to do but follow him.

The Skipper checked his watch, and shut the hatch. The sub started to move. The Captain said, "Gilligan, I didn't give orders to shove off."

Gilligan said, "Its not me, the water is moving."

Sure enough, the water started moving in a clockwise motion: first slowly, then faster, and faster and faster. Getting the sub through the inlet was going to be very difficult.

"Gilligan, full power to the engines. Line us up with the inlet," the Skipper ordered.

The mate obeyed, "Aye Skipper!"

Exactly seven minutes after the Professor started the accelerator, there was a loud explosion. The Skipper navigated the tiny sub through the inlet to the ocean, while the concussion of the explosion caused an immense buildup of water pressure in the inlet. The little sub shot into the Pacific like a bullet out of a gun.

When they made it out of the tube, Gilligan said, "Now I know how the tidy bowl man must feel after getting flushed!"

The Skipper was all business, "The sub still seems to be holding up."

Gilligan then said, "Is it just me, or is it getting warm in here."

The Captain agreed, "Hull temperature rising rapidly. The explosion must have caused a volcanic eruption. We got to get out of here! Full speed ahead!"

A few minutes after leaving the area at flank speed, Gilligan observed, "It's starting to cool down."

The Skipper speculated, "Maybe the explosion just released some lava through the ocean inlet rather than causing a full eruption."

Gilligan said, "I hope so, I'd hate to think we would get bar-b-cued now, by our own sub."

The Skipper laughed, "We'll be OK, little buddy."

Then, almost on cue, rivets started popping out of the hull. The little sub had more streams of water coming in than a shower massage.

The Skipper ordered, "Surface, Surface."

While the sub was making it to the surface, Gilligan cried, "What's happening?"

The Skipper explained, "The rapid temperature change must have caused the hull to expand and contract, weakening it at the seams. Abandon ship, Abandon Ship!"


	13. On the Beach

Upon hearing the Skipper's order to abandon ship, Gilligan scrambled out of the hatch into the cool waters of the Pacific Ocean. The Captain tried to get out, but he was pinned in. Jonas Grumby resigned himself to his fate as water kept pouring into the little submarine. A captain should, after all, go down with his ship. This was simply karma revisiting him for escaping that duty with the _Minnow._

Just as the Skipper was getting ready to occupy his place in Davey Jones' locker, a familiar face poked his head in the hatch. "Aren't you coming Skipper?" Asked Gilligan.

"Forget me, save yourself," the Skipper ordered his little buddy.

"But Skipper," Gilligan protested.

"But nothing," the Skipper boldly stated, "a captain's duty is to go down with the ship!"

Gilligan said, "Whatever, Skipper, I was just going to say, the water is only four feet deep. The sub is already on the bottom." Gilligan then got off the sub and stood up, "See," he declared.

The Skipper looked stunned for a minute, then barked, "Well don't just stand there, get me out of here."

Getting the Skipper up through the hatch was out of the question. But the fact the rivets popped out actually worked to the sailor's advantage. Working together by pushing and prying, the Skipper and Gilligan were able to actually pull off a section of hull. After that the Skipper was essentially able to push his way out of the little boat. Once he was free, the Captain noticed they were in the surf line of the island… fortunately the waves were relatively calm. The Skipper also noticed his immediate subordinate giggling.

"What's so funny, Gilligan?" The Skipper inquired.

Gilligan answered, "When you busted out of the sub, you looked kind of like a big chick breaking out of an egg."

The Skipper hit Gilligan with his soggy hat, but inwardly smiled. He thought about how much harder it would have been to endure the past few days without his little buddy to bring him back to reality. Even while they were in the Navy together, Seaman Gilligan had a way of reminding the Skipper that the all powerful Captain Jonas Grumby put his pants on one leg at a time-- just like everybody else. He didn't need to express this to Gilligan in words, it was an inward bond the two men of the sea had.

When they made it to the beach, Gilligan asked, "Do you think we made it back?"

The Skipper truthfully answered, "I don't know Gilligan."

Then Gilligan asked, "Do you think the Pirate Skipper and Pirate Gilligan made it back?"

The Skipper replied, clearly annoyed, "Now how would I know that, if I don't know if we made it back?"

Gilligan said, "I was just asking. I really don't want to run in those two. They sound mean."

That made the Skipper stop and think. He never considered that possibility. He was about to say that was impossible, but then he realized it wasn't any more impossible than meeting the evil versions of their fellow castaways.

The Skipper then said, "Its about five hours until sunrise. Lets camp out on the beach, and check things out in the daylight. I'll take first watch. Get some sleep little buddy."

Gilligan was out before the Skipper finished his sentence. The Skipper washed the surf tear up what was left of the sub. There was no turning back, at least with that vehicle. After about three hours, he found himself fighting to stay awake.

"Gilligan, little buddy, wake up," The Skipper said.

Gilligan responded with a groggy, "Huh?"

The Skipper replied, "Its about 3:30, you think you're up for standing watch for a couple hours?"

Gilligan said, "Yeah, I'm up."

Satisfied, the Skipper got some much needed sleep. Gilligan was amused how the Skippers snoring seemed to match the sound of the surf. Snore, wave, snore, wave, snore… Soon the Minnow's mate was fast asleep himself.

Just after dawn, Mary Ann saw the two figures on the beach surrounded by debris from the mini-sub. The Kansan called for help, and soon her fellow islanders were at her side.

Mary Ann asked the Professor, "Do you think they're…" not even wanting to finish the question.

The Professor went over to check for signs of life. Just as he was about to check the Skipper's pulse, the Captain let out a loud snore.

The Professor told the group, "They're alive. They just appear to be sleeping. But stay back, we have no way of knowing if this is _our_ Jonas Grumby and Willie Gilligan. I may need to run some experiments to make sure that the quantum acceleration succeeded."

Ginger ignored the Professor's instructions. The actress sultrily said to the scientist, "Stand aside handsome, I'll get your answers quicker than any lab test."

The movie star straddled Gilligan's chest. She then kissed Gilligan on the forehead and said, "Time to wake up, sweetie."

Gilligan replied, "I don't wanna go to school today, mom."

Ginger said, "Oh I'm not your mother." When Gilligan's eyes shot wide open, the actress went on, "Come on, Mr. Gilligan. Let help you out of those wet clothes. Never mind about the audience, maybe we can get them to join in."

Gilligan then knocked Ginger into the sand and started shouting, "Skipper, help, evil Ginger!" The young sailor then scrambled up a nearby tree. He wanted to be out of the evil castaways' grip, but not too far from his captain. Gilligan continued to shout, "They're here! They're here!"

Ginger told the others, "No doubt about it, that's our Gilligan."

Mary Ann gave the actress an evil glare for tricking the boy. But she and the others were fighting back laughter at the scene of Gilligan running away from the advances of the world famous Ginger Grant.

The Skipper jumped awake, ready for combat. But then looked around. Sure, Ginger was acting like evil Ginger, but so did their Ginger at times. It was the others he was interested in. The Howells were dressed for a day at a resort, not a day full of chores, Mary Ann looked more like she belonged in a cornfield than a street corner in KC, the Professor was clean shaven. Best of all, there was no sign of Erika Tiffany Smith.

The Skipper shouted, "It's OK little buddy, we're back."

Gilligan replied, from the tree, "Really, we're back?"

The Skipper answered, chuckling, "Yes, little buddy we're back. Now come down."

Soon everybody was laughing, saying, "Welcome home Gilligan! Welcome home Skipper."

Gilligan then fell from the tree. Everybody stopped laughing for a moment, until the Minnow's mate stood up and shouted, "I'm home!"

Everybody started laughing again. Laughing out of relief, laughing out of joy. Gilligan started laughing so hard tears came from his eyes. He was happy. Happy to be back home to his island, Gilligan's Island.


End file.
